"There's that thing about diamonds isnt' there? That if they're real they can cut through glass and make laser slice through monkeys. And that's why they're so valuable 'cause they can make lasers go through monkeys or somethin'.
To tell if they're fake you have to put on those magnifying glasses to your eye and speak in an eastern european accent.
People keep them in those litlle velvet bags, don`t they? With the draw strings on the top? Like we used to have for our sand shoes.
They're the hardest thing in the world, they never fall apart and they can only scratch themselves.
Maybe if we're in the desert and they wouldn't have squeeked on the gym floor, or the hall as we used to call it there. I don't see the point in the desert you'd have to shave everyday even without the water. There's no point having a beard there and even without water and enough to eat, your face is just (...)"

Lasers go through the monkeys - The AllStar Project